Enough Already

We all know I love me some infomercials, but perhaps what you don't know is that my favorite aspect of the infomercial is how they portray life as so hard without the product being advertised -- as if everything sold on television is the equivalent of sliced bread or the light bulb.

My first example? The Snuggie, of course. Watching this now infamous infomercial, you'd think the most difficult task in the world was holding a phone while covered in a blanket.

And we thought the wheel changed the world.

If anyone actually finds it that taxing to grab the phone while covered in a blanket, they have much bigger problems than anything a Snuggie can fix. Every time I see the Snuggie advertised, and the travails of handling a remote control or phone while covered in a blanket are extolled, I can't help but think of the Friends episode when Joey starred on the infomercial touting a product that made it easier to open milk. Because everyone has so much trouble opening milk to begin with.

If you watch the commercial for Aqua Globes, you might think that watering plants is also one of the most painful and difficult tasks on the planet. At one point, the female actress is seen struggling with a dead fern -- like the rotting plant has attacked her or tried to drag her into its water-less and angry clutches.

Is watering plants easy to forget? Sure. Is it a life or death struggle along the lines of a real-life Little Shop of Horrors? Hardly.

Then there's the Perfect Brownie. I'm so glad this product came along because I can't tell you how many times I've worried that my brownies weren't of exactly equal shape and size. And the idea of cutting a pan of brownies with a knife? Who has the time?

No, none of these thoughts go through my head when brownies are on the table. And I can't think of a single person I know who struggles to bake brownies from a box. Unless they invent a product that keeps you from shoving half the pan down your throat before the goods cool, I'm not interested. (Wait -- I think the mysterious product I think of is called self-control, and if it were available, I wouldn't need half the diet and exercise products I have bought off the television. Oh well.)

The Big City Slider Station? Because when you're making hamburger patties it's that hard to make some of them smaller? Again, I am confused.

While I know all products have to say that they make your life easier, watching infomercials, you'd think these days of indoor plumbing, constant Internet access and medical advancement were pure hell. (After all, I'm kind of on the lazy side, and if I think you're exaggerating, you've really missed the mark.)

Walking hundreds of feet uphill in the snow? Hey, I'll tell my grandkids about what it was like when I had to water my own plants and dig for my cell phone in my purse. I can almost hear their groans now ...