On The Air

I've often considered that if I ever wanted to be on reality television, there isn't really a good fit for me.  (After all, doesn't temporary fame have some kind of appeal? If I could get paid to attend just one party -- a la Stephanie Pratt and Khloe Kardashian -- I could redo my entire kitchen.) Maybe there's no good fit because I'm not insane, but we'll leave that off the table for now.

I'm not an athlete or in top physical condition, so Survivor and The Amazing Race are out. I've aged out of anything on MTV. I cannot sing or dance, so goodbye American Idol. Dating is of no interest to me right now which eliminates The Bachelor, Blind Date and anything involving a millionaire, fake millionaire or getting to know one another in complete darkness. I'm not a real housewife of anywhere, and I'm unwilling to exploit my womb. (That last one might be a "for now." We'll see how this recession goes.) I also have no role in the wedding industry at the moment, which would take care of most of the programming on WE and the Style network.

(While on the subject of womb exploitation, I'd like to go ahead and nominate my two favorite tabloid stories of the year. Sure, this could be a little premature, but I'm feeling optimistic today. My runner-up for favorite tabloid story of the year is something I call, "Douche Does Yoga." Why this even made "the news" is completely beyond me. And this guy has more money than me. A crime against humanity? I think it's possible. My absolute favorite tabloid story of the year is "How I Lose 145 Pounds" courtesy of Nadya Sudelman, a.k.a. the Octomom. Yeah, I don't think dropping a litter out of one's uterus is an option for most women struggling with their weight, but thanks for the thought, Nadya.)

Long sidebar aside, I've decided that there needs to be a reality show where people compete to find the most ridiculous purchases while bargain shopping. (I know! I also get excited just thinking about the hilarity and Hawkins that would ensue.) There would be a budget, of course. And then, with an appropriate time limit, competitors could visit stores like the Dollar General and Fred's to seek out the most inane products for sale. Do you spend all of your money on one big purchase or buy multiple items hoping to increase your odds of winning? I just don't know!

You could have a panel of judges or incorporate America's votes. Either way, I'm sure it'd be some compelling television.

In light of my new idea, this blog entry is also an audition. I bring you my most oddball find from discount shopping -- a bleach kit from Tuesday Morning. Now, while the bleach itself might not be oddball, I think it's the packaging on this one that says it all. I can't tell you how many times I've thought, "These old jeans of mine just aren't cutting it. I wonder what's missing ... Wait, I've got it! If I could just bleach the butt area, I'd have a whole new look and the perfect accessory to set me apart when I go to happy hour in the lounge of the airport Marriott. Thank you Denim Details!"

Fame and fortune, here I come.