Me, Myself and the Pole

Last night, I finally tried what was probably the hottest exercise trend of 2006 -- stripper aerobics. (I'm only four years behind. If you saw the cell phone I carry, you'd think it was far, far worse.)

In many ways, I feel guilty even talking or writing about my "Pole Yourself Thin" class. I'm pretty sure my father has spent the last 30+ years of his life doing everything in his power to keep me away from anything even remotely resembling a stripper pole, and yet, here I am, paying a woman to teach me moves likes the "seahorse," "pole push off" and "stripper legs."

(In my defense, it was a girlfriend's idea, and it seemed like a fun way to work out in addition to the possible makings of a good story. I'll do a lot for a good story. Plus, you wear normal workout clothes, so no one needs to get too carried away out there.)

When we first arrived, we chose stage names for class, so for two hours yesterday, I was Lola Luscious. ("Lola" is also a name my younger, drunken self enjoyed going by after two a.m. This is really something that probably should not be spoken of, so I'll move on.)

Anyways, then we were taken to our poles and began to learn our first routine. After a quick walk around the pole (on tip toe to simulate high heels, of course), we dove right in to the basic moves like the "kick boxer" and "pole kick." I quickly learned that I have a great fireman (this does involve swinging around the pole), but a terrible crawl. 

One thing I could not get used to? Hearing "Lola cannot get her crawl on!" called out by the teacher from the front of the room time and time again.

I also learned about a little thing called "pole burn," which apparently occurs when one spends too much time on the pole or does not hold the pole properly. When it happens, your skin becomes very red and sore from the wrist to about halfway down the forearm. According to our teacher, it is a difficult injury to explain to your friends and co-workers as well.

So, after two quite eye-opening hours, my entire body is sore (strippers must use muscles I didn't even know I had), and I have a nasty case of pole burn.

It's probably a very good thing that I work from home on Fridays. And I've never been more thankful for my education. 

*Sure, this photo is of a dude doing tai chi, but you'd actually be surprised by how few public domain images that are also family-friendly can be found by typing "stripper" or "pole" in the search field. My logic is that both are exercise, so it's related.