My Escape

Now, I know that it's been a long time since my last blog entry, and most of you are probably wondering where I've been, so here comes the long-awaited truth behind my extended absence ... I've had to go into hiding to escape the ladies of Mary Kay.

Seriously.

A few months ago, a friend of mine invited me to a Mary Kay party. At the time, I had no idea that such things as Mary Kay parties still existed. And, I certainly didn't know that women under the age of 65 attended Mary Kay parties, but my friend promised wine, so I went. For those of you who haven't been to a Mary Kay party, I can't say that I recommend it.

Mary Kay prefers to refer to their gatherings as "Girlfriend Parties." (Personally, one of the words I least prefer to hear repeated, next to "lover" and "moist," is "girlfriend," so Mary Kay and I didn't get off to the best start.) There was also the choice to decorate with feather boas, and I'm pretty sure such a choice speaks for itself.

So, as the evening drags on, there are many, many product demonstrations and many, many glasses of wine. Then, sometime after the lip-smoothing balm and newly un-corked bottle of Pinot Noir, we were separated for our "personal consultations" with a Mary Kay representative. Of course, this is how they get you - it's a lot harder to say "no" to the hard sell one-on-one than it would be in a group. But, somehow, I didn't just end up with a normal Mary Kay representative. My consultation was with Linda, the regional manager. And, Linda wanted me to do a lot more than buy some Mary Kay products — she wanted me to start selling the Mary Kay line, too.

Now, normally, I would be able to get out of such a situation, but I have a tendency to be a bit of a people pleaser. Plus, Linda told me that I would be a good Mary Kay lady because I was so pretty, and I would be lying if I said that alcohol and compliments aren't how I've gotten myself into trouble before. It seems that by the end of the evening, I had committed myself to a national girlfriend event complete with the opportunity to learn all about the corporate side of Mary Kay.

A few days later, I spent three hours trapped in the conference room of the Marriott in Brentwood, Tennessee watching Linda award pink baubles to her top sellers and engage the crowd in affirmations. (Another of my least favorite things is affirmations. When I worked at Amsouth, I was called into a 7:30 a.m. morning that included passing around a hand mirror as each staff member said "To perform the best, I must be the best" out loud. I have rarely felt such rage.)

Anyway, I thought escaping from the girlfriend event would be enough, but the ladies of Mary Kay do not scare easily. After that, I received daily phone calls from Linda for weeks because she was so anxious to talk about "my future at Mary Kay." Hence, I had to go into hiding. And for those of you who think I might be exaggerating, it was only a a few weeks ago when there was a pink Cadillac in my office parking lot, and I figured that they were back on my trail.

But, I refuse to live in fear any longer. I'm taking my life back, and if Mary Kay has a problem with that, well then, I'm ready for her.