Paging Pity, Party Of One

So, I’m having one of those days. It’s not like anythingterrible has happened, but my self-esteem just isn’t quite where it should be,and I’m a tad irritable. (If yelling at your car door for opening too wide inthe Lowe’s parking lot can count as “a tad.”) I would love to be one of thosepeaceful, Zen-like people who can recognize how small their own problems are,anticipate the light ahead and enjoy the journey, but well, let’s be honesthere. It’s me.

Since I have this lovely forum known as my blog, I thoughtI’d run through the current causes of myI’m-never-leaving-the-house-again-or-changing-out-of-these-sweatpants-state*:

1. ThatI’m not one of those peaceful, Zen-like people who can just go along for theride. Those people seem extremely lovable, good at yoga and capable of sittingstill for longer than five minutes because of what I’m sure are their valuableand renewing daily meditations. They have probably never played a game ofSpider Solitaire for hours on end. I bet they even like how tea tastes.
2. Oneday after buying what can only be described as a s&%$ ton of AA batteriesbecause of a buy one, get one free sale, the only batteries I need are AAAs.(These AAAs are for my Slender Tone belt. Yes, I know it doesn’t work, but Iwear it anyway and pretend that I’m doing something.  I bought it on Ebay a few days after New Year’s becausethat’s my version of a “get in better shape” resolution.)
3. Noneof my pants fit. (Please see note about Slender Tone belt in #2.)
4. Mybangs aren’t behaving properly. This, too, is my own fault for thinking I couldtrim them myself. In this instance, “behaving” = “not being long enough.” (Iffor any reason my stylist is reading this, I know. I know. Also, I would liketo add “patience” to the list of qualities I wish I possessed in #1.)
5. Netflixhas yet to add season two of Portlandia to its line-up. I can only assume thisis a) part of some sort of grand conspiracy on the part of Netflix to drive meinsane or b) because season two isn’t available yet. Regardless of the reason,I feel like some Fred Armisen would lighten the mood right now.
6. Iordered an item off of Ebay without reading the shipping cost, because youknow, seeing as how the item is the size of my hand and in the continentalUnited States, I thought shipping would be reasonable. I was wrong. It’s $40.$40! The seller claims that’s why the item was priced so low. (Diabolicallybrilliant?) I feel kind of cheated here, seeing as how the item itself cost$1.27 more than the shipping. However, since the shipping price was listedbefore the auction ended, we return to the fact that I can only blame myselffor this one. 
7. Well,there isn’t really a number seven, so a normal person would end this list atsix, but seeing as how I think lists should come in threes, fives, sevens ortens, I just don’t think I can do it. Neurotic much? Yes.

And there you have it. Thank you wonderful reader for putting up with my gripes. Please add your own to thecomments. As I’m being petty, I feel I should invite others to join me. We canall start on that Zen thing on Monday.

* I mean, the sweatpants havepockets. Do I really need to say more?