How Not To Make Wine Bottle Lamps

I am currently obsessed with Pinterest. Anyone following me on Pinterest probably thinks that I don’t do anything but create pins. (This is somewhat false.) I like to think of myself as crafty, so the “DIY and Crafts” tab is particularly tempting. Unfortunately, I am also impatient.

I don’t block my knitting or check the gauge. (Despite one hideously large sweater that I even wore out in a poor show of will, I still haven’t learned my lesson.) I move on from tutorials with terms like “drill press” and “stabilizing clay.” If there’s a project that I like, I find the simplest way to do it. I prefer sitting at my desk to an excess of power tools.

So, when I decided to drill holes in wine bottles, I found instructions and pretty much only paid attention to the drill bit I needed. Here’s a step-by-step look at my latest project:

1. Put on safety glasses.

I may be impatient and clumsy, but I’m not completely insane. I value my eyesight, and I’m somewhat self-aware.

2. Consider hair.

Usually, my hair is up. However, since I’d recently straightened my hair, I didn’t want to put a crease in it. Even though I thought about getting up and finding an elastic, I changed my mind in the name of vanity. (I may wear a terribly unflattering homemade sweater out and about, but a crease in my hair? I think not.)

3. Begin drilling.

4. Lean in to check process of drilling.

5. Realize hair is in drill.

6. Panic.

7. Take photos of self with phone to later share with the world.

8. Imagine oneself with Anne Hathaway’s new pixie cut because you had to cut 1/3 of your hair out of a drill.

(Note: Much like going into the salon after a break-up, making hair decisions because of a power tool incident is not ideal.)

9. Panic more because you realize that will not be a good look.

On a very round face? I think not.

10. Inspired by the mental image of yourself with a pixie cut, determine that you will get out of this mess without the use of scissors.

11. Take deep breaths.

12. Disconnect power source from drill.

I trust a safety switch, but only so much when my head is involved.

13. Remove drill bit from drill.

14. Remove drill bit from hair.

Mechanics may not be my thing, but I do know it’s far easier to take a drill bit out of one’s hair than an entire drill.

15. Thank God that the dogs were your only witnesses.

In short (no pun intended), be hair aware ladies. If you’re having a particularly good hair day, put your DIY project off. It’s not worth the risk.

* Photo note: I am trying to teach myself photoshop. Since I have no eye for design, this will probably not be pretty. Also, as an English person, I only know about Times New Roman and Arial fonts. Bear with me.