Don't Get Lost In The Music

In my opinion, most every major (and non-major) musical artist has written at least one song that only has one purpose -- talking someone into a one night stand.

(If you think about it, just the act of writing the song shows far more effort than your standard Jaeger bomb and "It's all really about living for the moment" line, so at least it's a step far above the person in the bar hoping they find someone before last call. Still sketchy though? Yes. Supportive of my sister's theory that most people learn to play the guitar to attract the opposite sex? Also yes. However, I'm not sure there's a ton we do as humans that isn't meant to attract the opposite sex. Moving on ...)

Let's look at the evidence:

Elvis Presley: "It's Now or Never"

Bob Seger: "We've Got Tonight" ("Who needs tomorrow?")

Eagle-Eye Cherry: "Save Tonight"

The Dave Matthews Band: "Say Goodbye" ("Tonight we'll be lovers, then go back to being friends.")

Heart: "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You"

Eve 6: "Here's to the Night"

This list doesn't even come close to the dozens of less-subtly titled songs just called "One Night Stand."

Now, of course, none of these compare to what I consider to be the creepiest song of all time: "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"

All people seem to remember from that song is, "Yes, I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain."

No one thinks about, "I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long," "I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean. But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine," or "I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape. At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape."

By "red tape," I assume the dear Rupert Holmes means "talking." I also assume "escape" means "motel room."

This is a song about a man who decides to cheat on his partner, so he goes to the personal ads -- a 1979 personal ad keep in mind, so simply by being Disco-era, it's even ickier -- to meet someone new. Then, lo and behold, while he's waiting for the woman he plans to cheat on his "lady" with, he sees his own partner walk into the bar and realizes that she was planning to cheat on him, too.

Even Wikipedia refers to this song as ending on "an upbeat note."

I think we can all be honest here and admit that if this ever happened in real life, there'd be a lot more denial, anger, shame and possible shoving than heartfelt reconciliation. (Then again, two people like this probably deserve each other, and their other options for mates would most likely involve swinger's clubs and well, people who place 1970's era personal ads.)

This song is not romantic; it's creepy.

So, I must go back to my original message -- don't get lost in the music. Unless you're looking for that one night stand or trying to track down an unfaithful spouse. Then, I guess, you should save tonight with all the pina coladas and walks in the rain that you can.

And for all those girls out there dreaming of prom night, beware of the soundtrack.