4 Things That Do Not Belong At Forever 21

For anyone who might live in a cave, or avoid the mall, Forever 21 is a large discount store designed for tweens and teens.

1. Me

Yes, I am willing to admit that at 31, I have no business shopping at Forever 21. As much as this girl likes being able to try out trends at bargain basement prices, it's not exactly self-esteeming building to sometimes find myself trapped in a large shirt. Plus, there are only so many times I can hear a 15-year-old girl next to me in the dressing room say, "Does this make me look fat?"

For the teens out there, the answer is always, "No." You are most likely in the best years of your body. (Sorry, but it's true.) Enjoy it while you have it. 

However, when the question is, "Is this a dress or a shirt?" the answer is most always, "It's a shirt."

Please dress accordingly. 

2. Pleather Zip-Up Dresses

It doesn't matter how old you are, there are only two places that this dress is appropriate to wear. Those are:

1. A strip club, and

2. A strip club.

Unless you have a career as an exotic dancer planned for yourself, or dear God, your daughter, this one needs to stay on the rack.

3. The Snooki Shirt

I know we've all been into irony since Justin Timberlake or Ashton Kutcher put on his first trucker hat, but I think it's time for that trend to die. Should this shirt not be meant in a spirit of irony, I think we have bigger problems.

As women, can we not aspire to more than drunkenness, hook-ups and bump-its? Do we want our daughters wearing Snooki on their bodies with pride?

I hope not.

4. Maternity Wear

If we're going to take it at its word, the target age for Forever 21 would be 21. 21-year-olds, ideally, should be picking out majors and decorating their first apartments -- not buying maternity starter kits.

I know that life doesn't always go as planned, and I admire anyone who can make a young pregnancy work, but I'm not sure Forever 21 should be selling the coolness of maternity wear to its fan base. I feel like I did when I found out American Eagle sold thongs with phrases like "Too Hot"* on them.

(In my opinion, the very phrase "starter kit" gives this one an extra creep factor. I got a skincare starter kit from Clinique when I was 12. I don't like the comparison.)

4b. Maternity Models

Again, we're in Forever 21 -- let's lay off the pregnancy gear.

If there's a maternity version of the pleather zip-up dress, I don't want to know about it.

* I have no idea what the actual phrases on American Eagle thongs were, but I know they existed. You'll just have to roll with me on this one.