Poor Products

I love animals, I really do. My dog is one of the most spoiled creatures on the planet. (Only, though, if you count her wardrobe and chest of toys; she in no way has the demeanor of a spoiled dog because she is sweet, loving and perfect.)

I didn't even like cats until I got my own, but now I am enamored, and he regularly sleeps on my chest. Hell, the cat isn't even litter-box trained, and I still love him, and I think we all know there's no true test of one's devotion and affection like finding random puddles of pee -- or worse.

If you were to hurt one of my pets, you would most definitely know my wrath. But, despite how strongly I feel about animals, I'm not so sure where I fall on the spectrum of animal rights. If you abuse an animal, you should go to jail, and I think people who hurt animals deserve a special, fire-filled place in the great beyond, too. However, I also have no problem with the food chain. Mama loves her meat, after all. I own leather handbags (and once upon a time, I had a pair of leather pants).I never objected to a biology class dissection, and when it comes to life-saving, cancer-fighting kinds of drugs, I'm pretty OK with what it takes to make sure those are safe for humans.

I also like the zoo -- the sloping, expansive kinds of zoos where animals graze in arenas akin to their natural habitats and get three square meals a day. I know it's not as simple as this, but I have to tell you that if I was a giraffe or a gazelle, I'd be more than willing to give up the wild for prepared meals and a tidy, maintained home. Hunting for food? Defending myself from predators? Hyenas? I'd be the first animal you ever saw volunteer, and I'd take the zoo over the Serengeti just like I now take the Hampton over a nylon tent.

Regardless, I think it's important to respect the opinions and choices of others. So, that's all I'm going to say on the subject before I get to my real point: No matter how lackadaisical my own stand on animal rights might seem, I would never buy my non-existent child the toy pictured above.

A rolling cage for your pet monkey? Really? Clearly this is some sort of circus toy, but there has to be a better way to let your child "play circus" (another hot bed for those very invested in animal rights) than letting them paint their own rolling, wooden cage. Right? If nothing else, isn't this super, super dated? I haven't been to a State Fair in awhile, but there aren't caged animals rolling down the highway anymore, are there? Please, please say it ain't so.

What's almost worse is that I found this right next to the cute little doghouses with stuffed puppies sticking their heads out of the door. Large cage for exotic animals as the equivalent to dog houses? I think not.

I may be wrong, but I think this is where all that trouble with King Kong started ...