The Stuff of my Nightmares

A remnant of the prehistoric past is living in my front yard.

Well, it might not actually be a remnant of our prehistoric past, but it is definitely slimy and slithery and now welcome. I really don't think I've ever seen anything like it before. (I've also never actually worked in a yard before buying my own home, but let's not let that little fact taint our discussion.) On Sunday, as I was pulling weeds, THE CREATURE ("TC" from here on out) emerged from its dark, sinister depths.

TC is black and about six inches long. You're probably thinking that it's a baby snake, but TC was not rounded like a snake. It was much flatter -- the shape reminded me of a tapeworm even thought I've never seen a tapeworm, and I'm not sure tapeworms can ever survive outside of the human intestine. TC also moved in a very squiggly motion (yes, "squiggly" is a common term in biology) that seemed much too flexible for a standard, garden-variety snake.

After a thorough scientific study in which I gathered the above information and poked at TC with a rake, I believe it's perfectly fair to conclude that I have either discovered a new species of reptile or come upon a tapeworm/snake combo from the time of dinosaurs that was previously thought to be extinct. (I will call my discovery The Creaturus Laurelus ...)

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll have a chance to share my findings with the world since the moment TC slithered back into the grass, I decided that I would never go near that part of the yard again.My boss suggested crime scene tape to block off his part of the lawn, but for now, I think peaceful co-existence without fences and other barriers is still possible.

Plus, I think we all know that in a direct confrontation between TC and I, TC would win.