A Helpful Hint

I have found yet another tenet of basic logic and normal human reasoning that I thought could go unstated, but apparently must be shared aloud: If Richard Karn tries to sway you away from your original "Family Feud" answer, for God's sake, listen.Here's what happened yesterday, during "The Biggest Losers Week." (No, this is not a reference to wait loss. It's much more appropriately named. Families that never won a game on the Feud get to come back for one more shot. Obviously, this should have been my first clue.)The question is "Name something people can't wait to do when they get to a party." The Mitchell family is playing and they've already taken "eat" and "drink" off the board.Mitchell Family Member #1: Meet someone!And, lo and behold, "Socialize/Mingle" is an answer.Mitchell Family Member #2: Get some phone numbers!Richard scrunches his face up a little as we all know getting phone numbers requires socializing and mingling, but the phrasing is so different, he leaves things alone."Get some phone numbers" is not on the board.Mitchell Family Member #3: Meet up with someone!Now, this Richard must take issue with.RK: That's socialize and or mingle. I'll need another answer.Mitchell Family Member #3: No, I said "meet up with somebody."RK: Yes, "meet someone" has already been taken off the board.Mitchell Family Member #3: No, meet UP! Not meet.Ah, of course. How could I not have known that meeting up with someone and meeting someone were 2 entirely separate events? Yes, yes. Meeting "up" with someone implies that you already know them and made plans to meet, but just plain old meeting someone means that you probably didn't know each other before the party. This is brilliant. And, I'm sure in a survey of 100 normal people the subleties and nuances between the 2 were explored. There should certainly be 1 answer for socializing and mingling and another for meeting up.Richard gave Mitchell #3 a good long stare as if allowing reason to set in. After all, if, as the host, he's telling her that terrain has been covered, it seems he might know something she doesn't.Mitchell Family Member #3: Meet up! Meet up! (She chants while clapping for herself in a commonly recognized Feud move for assuring yourself and the audience of your answer. Even her family members half-heartedly join in the clapping although you can clearly tell Mitchell Family Member #1 is thinking, "I knew we shouldn't have brought that dumb bitch with us. When we were kids, she never could remember to keep her fingers out of the electrical sockets.")RK: Meet UP with someone! (Richard sighs as he turns to the big board and hangs his head.)And, as should be no surprise - it's a strike.I mean, really, what kind of pride/stupidity leads someone to stick with an answer even after the host of the show has clearly stated that that particular train of thought has been exhausted? It boggles the mind. And, I thought it was bad when Richard laughed directly in their faces upon hearing an answer.In short, should you ever find yourself on the Feud and Richard Karn thinks your first answer is a bad idea, pick something else, don't just try enunciating various parts of your original answer. You'll thank me when you and your near and dear are playing for the big money.

Unsettling, but True

Last night, during my bout of insomnia/late night television viewing, I discovered what has become of Ethan Embry.It seems that in Ethan's post "Can't Hardly Wait" oblivion, he has resigned himself to guest-starring roles on shows like "The [New] Twilight Zone." Now, I can't fault him just for being on "The Twilight Zone." After all, you can also find Jessica Simpson and Jeremy Piven on the Forest Whitaker vehicle, and both of their careers seem to be just fine. (Yes, Elizabeth Berkeley and Lou Diamond Phillips also show up, but I'm trying to look at this with a "glass is half full" perspective.)What bothers me is that Ethan seems to have spent a considerable portion of the last few years growing and keeping a soul patch. Yes, a soul patch. Ethan seems frighteningly unaware that he looks like he's barely out of puberty so the soul patch is decidedly sparse. And, he seems completely oblivious to the fact that his blondness makes the sparse soul patch seem even more spotty in that "is he actually growing something there or did he miss a spot shaving?" kind of way.Also, I think I am not out of line when I say that the soul patch is the most ridiculous and unnecessary facial hair growth there is. At least a handlebar mustache can be a tribute of sorts to days gone by. The sould patch obviously doesn't keep anyone's face warm in the winter. And, there is no way anyone who gets up and begins shaving in the morning does both sides of their face and then thinks, "I just can't get to my chin today. It's too much." If for some reason, your arms do give out 90% of the way through the shave - take a breather, grab a muffin, and get back to it! You'll thank me later. Having hair just on your chin only works if you're in a trio of pigs yelling insults at the Big Bad Wolf.I suppose the only question that remains is which came first - the death of Ethan Embry's career or the soul patch? Did he start losing roles because of the soul patch, or did he grow the soul patch to keep busy as his career began tanking?The world may never know.

Best Idea Ever

It seems that 2 of my great loves have finally come together - this August, Lifetime will air a made-for-television movie about Fantasia of "American Idol" fame. A "based on a true story" movie about a reality TV star! This is beyond fabulous. And, who will play Fantasia? Why, Fantasia herself of course. I'm picturing a slower, more contemplative version of "Baby Mama" played over a montage of shots showing Fantasia taking her kid to school, dealing with difficult customers in her fast-paced service industry job, finally getting in bed at night - exhausted but knowing she's doing her best.I also hope that Jack Scalia plays Simon Cowell. This is a ridiculous casting decision, but Jack Scalia is quickly becoming Lifetime Old Guard, and his voice will not take to a British accent well. (The kind of mediocrity I want will ensue.) I also think someone from Melrose should be considered for the role of Paula.This might replace "Pregnant at 15" starring a young Kirsten Dunst in my Lifetime list of favorites.

Channel Surfing

Further evidence that the local news is not always cutting edge (as if I didn't know that already):Last night the local NBC station here ran a story about how "My Name is Earl" represents a different idea of karma that what is in the actual Hindu doctrine.I, for one, was fascinated. Apparently, pinning my hopes of paradise and a happy eternity on Jason Lee and his character's code of ethics is not a good idea. Who knew.